Episode 212: Overcoming Mom Guilt in All Areas of Your Life

Full Episode Transcription:

[00:00:00] Arianna: Do you struggle with mom guilt? Do you have these thoughts of I’m not doing enough to support my kids, but then when I work, I feel more guilty for not spending more time with them. And then when I get to spend time with them and I will just have my mind on other things or then when I get time away from them, I’m just thinking about how much I want to be with them. It’s just this continuous cycle that our brains go through as moms where we just always feel like we’re not doing enough, and on top of all the stress we already have in our lives, this mom guilt, it adds even more stress to your plate. It can be made even worse if your kids or your spouse start to notice that your focus is not on them when it should be.

[00:00:51] Although sometimes it can be frustrating. Having loved ones who care about you and wanna spend more time with you is, is a huge blessing. And in many cases, our families are the number one reason why we’re trying to do the work that we’re trying to do. So we have to overcome that mom guilt that way we can give our all to both things. We can give our all to our family when we’re with them and we can give our all to our work when we’re focused on work. It’s also, for me, it’s really important to overcome any mom guilt that I’m facing because I have a little girl who is looking up to me and the way that she mothers her future children will be based on what a model for her.

[00:01:36] So I wanna show her that she can do anything that she sets her mind to and that she can have a job, business, or career she loves while having a super tight-knit family that she’s always present for. Like it’s not an either or. It is both. She can have both and I don’t want her to feel the mom guilt that I’ve struggled with. So in this episode, I’m gonna share with you three ways that you can overcome the problem of mom guilt and find better balance between your work and personal life so that you can be more productive during your working hours shift your loved one’s mindset around your work so they can celebrate with you versus making you feel guilty and set clear boundaries with your work and your family members.

[00:02:21] So let’s just go ahead and jump right in. Tip number one is to communicate with your spouse and your children. When you set clear expectations right up front, this is the number one most important factor and better managing your work and your home life so you don’t have to struggle with that mom guilt. It’s important to not only clearly communicate when and what your family can expect from you. You also need to hold your promises when you do both of these things. Working late or early isn’t as big of a deal because you’ve established trust and understanding between your family and yourself. That’s going to eliminate that friction of like, is mom ever gonna be around, like focusing on me?

[00:03:06] So it’s really best to communicate more than once when things are coming up. And I also recommend communicating both verbally and in writing. So whether that’s a reminder text, putting it on a shared Google calendar, or like a written calendar on the wall of your house, or just a handwritten note, maybe stuck to the fridge. Help them to remember what you have going on and why you’re doing it. And another tip is to give them something to look forward to once you accomplish this big task. So maybe if you’re looking to get outta the classroom, you know you’re teaching a lot, but then you come home and you’re trying to work on this virtual assistant business so you can get it to the point where you can leave teaching. But that’s taking time from your family. So maybe you say, Hey, kiddos, like I am going to be working on my virtual assistant business tonight while dad watches you. I’m going to be spending, you know, five hours doing this tonight, so I’m not gonna be available with you, but when I get this stuff done, Tomorrow I will be fully present with you. After we get out of work and school, we will go to the park. Maybe we’ll go get ice cream, you know, so give them something just to look forward to so that they don’t see you working the night before as tweaking away from them.

[00:04:27] The second thing you can do is to map out your plans for spending quality time together and set strict boundaries around that time. So it’s really crucial to keep your promises to your family members. If you set a date on the calendar for a date night or a day at the park, make sure you’re fulfilling those commitments when you can do this by building boundaries around your work. So if there are set days or times where you know your schedule’s gonna be out of the ordinary, or you need to go above and beyond at work, put timeframes around when you’ll spend dedicated time with your loved ones. You may say, here are the times that I’m gonna have to be working this weekend, and here’s what our plans are, what I’m not working, and what we have to look forward to. Now. With that being said, I, like I said, sometimes you do have to work a little bit extra, but it is so important to set very clear boundaries around when it’s work time and when it’s family time. During that dedicated family time, you can try leaving your phone at home or in another room. That way you’re fully present with your loved ones and you’re not feeling pulled to like go check your email or, Do some other little thing that’s pulling you away from the people that matter the most. So it’s really important that you are intentional about creating space where you can give a hundred percent of your attention and focus to your family, and then when you’re working, give a hundred percent of your attention and focus to your work.

[00:05:55] Tip number three I think is so, so important is to set goals together as a family. Allow your spouse and or your children to be a part of the conversation. So part of this is just identifying the why behind everything that you’re doing, not just your own personal why, but what are you trying to accomplish as a family? So what would you replacing your teaching income as a virtual assistant? What would that help your family to do? What kinds of things would you be able to do with them if you weren’t feeling so burnt out from teaching all the time? Ask your family what they would love to see change if that happened, and what goals can you guys work towards together with that. When you can tangibly explain these goals to your children and get really specific and clear about why you’re working so hard, what you’re working towards, and how you’re gonna celebrate achieving these goals, it really teaches them hard work and perseverance. It teaches them to never give up and to strive towards their goals and to be able to feel like they can do whatever they set their mind to. This also eliminates the guilt that we feel as parents because when, when our kids understand the context of our work and why it’s important and the impact that it’s gonna make, not only on them, but like the world, they’re not gonna feel as upset when they see you working hard. Okay, so these are the three tips that are going to help you start to overcome that mom guilt.

[00:07:28] Let me recap them for you. Number one is to communicate very openly about why you might be working, you know, when you could be spending time with them, what goals it’s helping you achieve. The second tip is to map out your plans for spending quality time together with your kiddos and your husband, and set strict boundaries around that that you’re not going to overstep. And then the third tip is to set your goals together as a family and allow your kiddos and your husband to be a part of that conversation. Right. So I hope this episode was helpful. I know we all, I’m a mom myself and I struggle with this mom guilt all the time, but it does really hinder us and affects our kiddos. So I just kind of wanted to give you some food for thought on how you could overcome that as well. All right y’all. I love you so much and we will see you next time.