Episode 270: Overcoming Your Limiting Beliefs with Kari Cravalho

Full Episode Transcription:

[00:00:00] Arianna Vernier: Hey, y’all. Welcome back to the Virtual Assistant Mama podcast. In this episode, I brought on Carrie Carvalho. She is a certified professional coach for moms. And throughout this episode, she’s going to be talking all about limiting beliefs, what they are and how they show up all the time. In moms and how you can overcome them.

[00:00:22] Arianna Vernier: So I’m super excited for you guys to listen to this episode. I think you’re going to get a lot of wisdom from it. So let’s just go ahead and jump on in. Hey, Carrie. Thank you so much for coming on the show today. I’m so excited to have you.

[00:00:35] Kari Cravalho: Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. I’m glad to be connected. This is going to be fun.

[00:00:39] Arianna Vernier: Yeah, I’m super excited. So I already introduced you before, you know, we popped on here together, but I would love if you could just. Tell the listeners a little bit about you so they can get to know a little bit more about who they’re listening to. Tell us a little bit about your family, your favorite hobbies, how you started doing what you’re doing now and just all the things.

[00:01:01] Kari Cravalho: Yeah. So happy to do that. So like in a nutshell, let’s see, I’m a mom of two kids, ages nine and seven. I’m a former HR leader. So I’ll speak a little bit more about that, but my professional background was in human resources and. Currently, I am a professional certified coach, and I work with moms in particular, really helping them define and figure out how they want motherhood to integrate with career to integrate with their self.

[00:01:30] Kari Cravalho: And I think many coaches, and I’m kind of no exception that often, like, we come to where we are today based on. Our own life. And so I mentioned how I was in HR. I did HR pretty much my whole career. I had a very brief stint in finance, but then found HR fell in love with just the opportunity to connect with people and help people on their own journeys. I went back to school after my bachelor’s, I got my MBA to further my, my leadership presence and human resources. And then. Made my way west to California. I worked at a, a tech company in HR and that’s where I informally fell in love with coaching kind of on the informal way. Like I just said, so then I transition and moved west and started working at a tech company in human resources. And that’s when I fell in love with coaching in an informal way. So. I started out leading cross organizational programs, like the annual performance review employee engagement matters like that. And then I became the chief of staff for the head of HR and started running my own team and managing my own team. And I remember that time because of course, in our 1 on ones, we would talk about projects and goals and impact, et cetera. But the conversations I really loved having were more of those questions around. Okay. Like, what do you really want to become? And like, what, where, how does this job fit into your overall life?

[00:03:00] Kari Cravalho: And, you know, there were some women on the team who were, you know, becoming mothers soon and just, you know, those real life conversations I just really loved. So then speaking of becoming a mom, I became a mom myself and I had my first child and this was so pivotal for me. And I can talk about it now with such kind of confidence and grace, but I got to tell you, like when it was happening, I was a nervous wreck and I was. It was all over the place because I was on this leadership track and human resources. And I had always dreamed of being a stay at home parent. So these two things were really tugging. They were really tugging on me. And I remember I had my husband to talk to, had my family, and that was pretty much it. And I just remember feeling, I really, really wish I had someone else to talk to, talk to about this decision, talk to about the pros and cons, just talk about all the things that were coming up in my mind. So I did choose to become a stay at home parent and so glad I did, you know, it was, it was the right decision for me, for our family highs and lows. Of course, as I’m sure all the moms know who are listening, I then did get to that point where I’m like, okay, what is going to be next for me? You know, I did get to that point where I was kind of running out of steam with the stay home mom role and wanted to kind of tap back into my purpose beyond being a mom in my career.

[00:04:23] Kari Cravalho: So that’s when I hired my own coach. So I hired a coach for moms. And I just remember that being so key for me. And this is why I now I’m a coach for moms today, because I had this opportunity to meet with this woman, you know, once a week for an hour where she held space for me. I didn’t have to answer to anyone else around me.

[00:04:46] Kari Cravalho: She was holding space for me, asking me questions about what I needed and what I wanted and helped me to elevate outside of all the daily stuff that actually think about my life and where I was headed. So I then through those conversations decided to become a coach myself. So that’s, that’s my journey.

[00:05:01] Kari Cravalho: You know, I. I am a coach today because I want to make it easier for all those women and moms kind of walking just a couple steps behind me and I’m still learning and growing myself and just so, so empowering and inspiring to just walk alongside women on similar journeys.

[00:05:20] Arianna Vernier: I absolutely love your journey and I see so many similarities between myself and you and also probably a lot of my listeners just that you were on the track with your career to, you know, take it as high as it could go.

[00:05:35] Arianna Vernier: That’s probably what you always envisioned. But then that piece of you that just wanted to be home with your babies. You’re like, well, what about that? Do I have to put that on a back burner? And you said no. I’m not going to put that on the back burner. And I think so many of my listeners want to do the same.

[00:05:52] Arianna Vernier: They want that to be their priority and to still be able to provide for their family, but have a job that works around their kids instead of, you know, their kids lives having to work around their job. So I love that you just did what you were feeling called to do and chased. Those dreams.

[00:06:13] Kari Cravalho: Yeah. Well, thank you.

[00:06:14] Kari Cravalho: Yeah. And I think that’s you. You shared it so eloquently there in the sense that it’s an and now, like, I’m a mom and I have my coaching business. It’s it’s both. It’s not an either or it’s an and and I created it that way. And, and I think we all have that choice and we might not think we have it, but like, and sometimes we don’t have choices.

[00:06:35] Kari Cravalho: Like, I also want to put it out there, like there’s sometimes things that just have to be a certain way, but when we’re able to just kind of channel more, how we can make mindset choices and choices for what we need in the micro and macro moments, it’s so, so helpful for us as moms. Yeah.

[00:06:51] Arianna Vernier: I agree. So before we kind of dive into the meat and potatoes of this episode, I know that you said you are a coach.

[00:06:59] Arianna Vernier: Can you tell my listeners a little bit about the difference between therapy, coaching and consulting? Like, what are the differences between those?

[00:07:07] Kari Cravalho: Yeah, that’s a great question because there is some overlap. There’s definitely overlap. So the way I like to describe it is that, you know, all three have. A place and all 3 have huge impact on someone’s lives therapy tends to look more towards the past. Perhaps there’s some emotions or trauma. Maybe there are some family circumstances therapy looks towards the past and needs that trained professional in, you know, mental health that can can support them. Consulting is more of a relationship in which there’s a hierarchy present. You know, so, like, I was consulting you, Arianna, there would be some kind of, like, underlying assumption that I had some expertise that I was trying to share with you, like, go do X, Y, and Z and then you will likely get this impact. That’s consulting the coaching work. I do. Is ultimately a conversation. It’s ultimately a partnership and a relationship between myself and the client where I don’t have the answers and I never tell my clients what to do. They have all the answers. They know what’s right for them. They know what’s next for them. They just need it pulled out of them. So it’s all about what do you want to create in the here and now in the future moving forward? So. As a coach, I just asked so many powerful questions, asking people to just look at things from different lenses, perhaps gain some elevation on the topic. And, you know, think about things from different perspectives. So, coaching pulls from the past, of course, like our past is our context, and that comes up in limiting beliefs for sure. And we can get there, but our past is our context, but. With coaching, you don’t have to live from your past. You have today to say, here’s how I want it to go moving forward. So that’s the differences between therapy, coaching, and consulting. And sometimes I’ll be honest in my sessions. Like I’ll say like, you know what, this is tending to go a little bit more into the therapy space. Like, you know, are you seeing a therapist? Is that something I could support you with? And then also consulting. Sometimes I am just very. You know, direct and say, okay, I’m going to take off my coaching hat and just put on my consulting hat just for this, like, 1 minute. So people know the distinguish, the differences.

[00:09:32] Arianna Vernier: Yeah, and it’s I think having a coach in your back pocket is so helpful because, like you said previously. You have other people in your world. You have your spouse, your kids, family members, but they don’t always necessarily get the whole picture of like what you’re trying to go to. They might be really looking at the minute details of your life, or they might just be in protective mode, like scared for you of whatever dream you’re chasing. So it’s really helpful to have a coach who can help you figure out. So how to reach those dreams and like you said, pull those dreams out of you like they’re Good coach is not going to tell you exactly what to do. They’re going to pull those answers out of you. So I love that you said that.

[00:10:19] Kari Cravalho: Yeah. Yeah. And I think you mentioned something cool there where like our friends and our partner, the people close to us, they’re kind of like connected and entangled in it a little bit, like we love getting. In our stuff, right? Like we, we love like dramatic stories and all the feelings. I mean, we’re human, a coach. And what I am is I’m very neutral. Like, I’m not in your stuff. I don’t know the nitty gritty. I can just say what I see, you know, I’m noticing that you’re talking about it coming from this perspective. Like, have you noticed that? And I often say to in my sessions, like, I don’t have to be right about this, but I’m just going to put it in the space. You tell me kind of what you feel about this. And so. Neutrality is so key with coaching.

[00:11:05] Arianna Vernier: Definitely. So for those people who are just feeling stuck and they’re not sure how to go about achieving those dreams on their heart or just whatever it is they’re struggling with. Why do you think they might be feeling stuck?

[00:11:21] Kari Cravalho: Yeah. Well, one way that we all get stuck is we have these stories in our head. And another way to think about it is we have these stories or limiting beliefs, you know, just circulating in our head. And we honestly don’t necessarily even know they’re there all the time. So I like to say a limiting belief. This is, you know, my own own definition is like this. It’s the state of mind or this conviction that you believe to be true. Um, but it’s limiting you in some ways. So it’s those thoughts about ourselves or thoughts about our circumstances that just lurk in the background. And like, for perhaps listeners or just moms in general, you know, some of these might be, you know, I don’t have enough time or, you know, I don’t have a degree or, you know, I’m not qualified enough to do that. You know, I’m not creative enough or, nothing ever goes my way. Or, you know, you know, I can’t be a mom and have a career. These are all ways. We keep ourselves stuck because we have these stories that we’re telling ourselves in the background.

[00:12:26] Arianna Vernier: Yeah, I think. It’s really hard to chase those dreams when you’re holding yourself back, if you’re not able to kind of conquer those limiting beliefs and push past them, and, you know, get a plan or a strategy to overcome them, you’re just going to stay stuck where you’re at. So, yeah, I totally agree. So where When you talk about these limiting beliefs, where do you think they usually come from?

[00:12:55] Kari Cravalho: Oh my gosh. Yeah, they come from lots of places. So one for sure is they come from our childhood, right? You know, as kids, we’re like sponges. We pick up on all these limiting beliefs that are held by our parents, our teachers, other figures. They can also come from our environment, surroundings, society, stereotypes. Things we’ve experienced is another thing, right? I mean, there can be real life things that have happened to us that cause us to then believe something about ourselves or what we’re capable of doing or not doing. Comparison is also, I think, a way they come up. I know, I know there’s been times as a mom, like I’ve compared myself as a mom to other moms. I mean, I think it’s just human, but that, that is just the breeding ground for more limiting beliefs to be coming up. So those are, those are some places where they come from.

[00:13:45] Arianna Vernier: So. When you have a limiting belief, how can you kind of gain insight into either where it came from or how you can move past it? Walk me through that.

[00:13:56] Kari Cravalho: What I’d like to do with my clients is Kind of expose and introduce them to this idea of a limiting belief 1st and foremost, but then almost offer them this opportunity to have like, 3 breakouts with themselves. You know, step 1 is getting insight. On your limiting beliefs, 2nd, step 2 is to gain perspective. And then step 3 is to create. A new narrative and so if we just take like the 1st step, for instance, to the point where you might not even know you have a limiting belief, you know, the 1st thing to get insight, you know, some questions you can ask yourself and I encourage, you know, the listeners to like, jot these down and like, maybe don’t journal about this later. You know, this is a question you could ask. Like, what is an event or a situation that’s causing you to feel stuck? Right? Like, just what is the event? Like, just name it first. And then you ask yourself, well, what are you believing about yourself or this situation that’s making it so difficult? Okay. And then you can get a little curious and be like, well, where, where’s this coming from? Like, are you present to where this is coming from? You know, it could be like, oh, my gosh, that’s how my mom always did it. Or that’s how I’ve seen the other moms At the playground do this or like, I tried this before and I failed. So you can just 1st, get insight. Like, okay, I’m stuck with this situation. Here’s the belief and here’s where it’s coming from. So that’s step 1 on getting insight from there. Once you get insight, what’s interesting, and this comes up with clients, there might be kind of a theme that they notice, like, huh, I’m having a lot of these beliefs that come up from my childhood. Oh, I’m noticing. I’m really susceptible to comparison. So you just start noting some, some themes and then getting perspective is really key because. Once you know that this like limiting belief is an item, it’s like, okay, you found it. It’s out there on the table. I love to work with people. I’m thinking about, is this a fact or is this an interpretation? That is so, so powerful because more often than not, it’s probably an interpretation. And you can challenge yourself, you can even say to yourself, like, what evidence do I have to actually disprove this limiting belief? So you get perspective on it, not only or whether it’s factor interpretation, but also. How it’s holding you back. Like what’s impossible if you actually hold on to this belief. I’ll pause there. I know I just shared a lot, but kind of that’s like gain getting insight and gaining perspective are really the first 2 steps in this whole exploration.

[00:16:39] Arianna Vernier: Yeah, I think sometimes we have these beliefs and like you said, we don’t even know where they came from. I know for a lot of moms that one of the biggest limiting beliefs that they come across is like you said, that comparison of who am I to do this, or why can’t I do this like somebody else, or I should be able to do this like somebody else, and just, Understanding that you don’t have to believe that way and you can change your perspective is so helpful in itself. Now, what would you say to somebody who wants to reframe that limiting belief? How would you go about telling them or helping them do so?

[00:17:24] Kari Cravalho: Well, you know that your limiting belief is simply not a hundred percent true, right? And you also know that it’s going to stop you from living that life that you want. So, you know, what’s next and what’s next is to just, is to write a different script, you know, metaphorically speaking, you know, what’s next is to create like a new, liberating, empowering belief. And this is, again, where coaching is so key because it’s like what happened yesterday. And yesterday you can create what’s next. You can create a new narrative moving forward. So what I encourage people to do is, you know, for each limiting belief, write them down in a column and then on the net, the column right next to it, say, you know, what is the new belief that you want to declare for yourself? So you could, here’s some examples that have come up, like a new belief you could declare for yourself could be, I am capable of picking up new skills, or another one could be, you know, When I feel afraid, I can choose to feel excited instead, or a third one could be like, I am worthy of feeling fulfilled as both a mom and in my career. So these are just new beliefs that if you write them out, allow you to focus on not what’s happened in the past or where this all came from, but more how you are going to say it is moving forward. And once you have that belief, like distinguish, then you can. Kind of flesh out the action, like, what do you need to actually then do that? Like, do you need someone in your family to hold you accountable? I don’t know. Do you need like an alarm on your phone? Do you need a family member to kind of step in and give you some time in certain area of your life? You know, from there you can, you can create a million actions that could, you could take. But first you need that new narrative.

[00:19:13] Arianna Vernier: I absolutely love that and I’m so thankful that you shared this with my listeners because a lot of times I see so many of my students in my program and just the women I help and myself. I do this all the time. We just get stuck in. What we believe about the past, and we’re not looking at, okay, so how can I improve this situation? What can I change to actually make this go the way that I want? And a lot of it, like you said, just stems from your mindset, the limiting beliefs you have, and just writing that new narrative for them. So I’m so, so grateful that you shared this with my listeners. I think they’re going to absolutely love it.

[00:19:57] Kari Cravalho: And it’s so normal. Like you said, Ariana, like, this is me too. I mean, this is, this is life. Like, this is, this is very, very common. And so you’re not alone. If you’re feeling any of these things, I think what’s just so cool is like, when you know that you have another door that you can walk through, you know, to, to make, make it all possible for yourself.

[00:20:16] Arianna Vernier: Yeah. Absolutely. So I want you to share where everybody can connect with you and any resources you have for my listeners. But before we do that, I just want to ask you the question that I ask every guest that comes on this show. And it’s if someone wanted to ditch their nine to five, but they just felt too overwhelmed, what would you tell them?

[00:20:39] Kari Cravalho: I love that question. So Can I say a couple of things? I can probably go on a lot for this, but the first thing I want to say is this, if not now, then when, just like, let that one sit. Like, if not now, then when? Okay. So that’s, that’s one thing for people to consider. And then the other thing I would tell them is just an invitation to consider the power of making empowering choices for yourself. And we make so many choices in our day to day. For our children and for our family, but just consider, like, what choices are you making for what you need and what you, what you want. And oftentimes the most disempowering way to go about life is when you are not making choices. And so sometimes just literally making a choice and moving forward is hugely powerful for you. Um, and, you know, it could be. You know, I am going to empower myself not to ditch my 9 to 5 right now, you know, that could be an empowering choice or it could be the opposite. But the most disempowering place to be is when you aren’t making any choice whatsoever.

[00:21:49] Arianna Vernier: Yeah, I totally agree. So. This has been so great having you on the show with us. I’m so grateful that you just kind of talked us through limiting beliefs. I mean, I’m going to be implementing the strategy that you said to you. So I think my listeners are going to find it so helpful. Where can they come and connect with you, Kari, and also Do you have any resources you would like to share that my listeners might want to take advantage of?

[00:22:16] Kari Cravalho: Yeah, sure. Well, so you can find me online. My, my website is cravalhocoaching.com. From there, you can find ways to connect with me and you can also. Just schedule a 15 minute fitting call with me. I like to say sometimes 15 minutes is often all you need. This is totally complimentary. I just love to connect with people, see what they’re needing and wanting in their life. And I’m also super honest. If it’s, if I’m not like the person to support you, I’ll direct you and where you, where you could go. So that’s an opportunity to connect with me. I also post a lot on Instagram, really trying to just share resources and share. Almost like breakouts that topics you can have with yourself. So it’s kari_cravalho_coaching. And then the last thing I just put out there, I walked through kind of very quickly, you know, those three steps around limiting beliefs. I have a whole worksheet on that. And so, you know, feel free to reach out to me. It’s cravalhocoaching.com. And I can shoot that over to you. And you can just then have that as a resource instead of furiously taking notes right now on what I said, like, I have it all written down so you can, you can just take that in and run with it.

[00:23:31] Arianna Vernier: Perfect. And I will have all of your website, your Instagram, all the things linked in the show notes for those of you listening. So you can grab those really easily. All right. Well, thank you so much again, Kari, for coming on today. This has been such a blessing having you on, and I’m just so excited for my listeners to gain some wisdom from you.

[00:23:54] Kari Cravalho: Yeah. Thank you. Thank you for what you’re creating with your podcast. It’s, it’s super inspiring to see.

[00:24:01] Arianna Vernier: Well, thank you. All right, y’all make sure you go and get connected with Kari, get all of her resources. Everything she has is amazing and I cannot wait for you to learn more from her. Thank you so much for listening to this episode and we will see you next time.